The Reckoning

Face it, folks, Belichick plans to lay waste to the NFL. Commissioner Roger Goodell took away a first-rounder, so the Patriots will take away your first born. Belichick has assembled perhaps the most dominating team in NFL history, and he's intent on destroying all opponents in his path.

When I read that in John Clayton's article on ESPN, two things happened. First I chuckled at the 'first born' reference. Second, I caught myself nodding at the very concept. The Patriots are good. Really good. In fact, this may be the most dominant team in any sport that I've seen in the last 15 years.

Let me repeat that.

The New England Patriots are the best team I've ever seen. Period.

This past weekend witnessed the best regular season match-up the NFL has to offer between the undefeated Patriots and the similarly undefeated defending champion Colts, complete with all the hype that the media could offer: Brady vs. Manning; Dungy vs. Belichick; Good vs. Evil; Cheaters vs. "Cheaters". After a 24-20 win in Indy, talk of "the perfect season" only grew louder for New England as they essentially locked up home field advantage for the playoffs. Did the game carry as much significance as last year's AFC Championship game? Of course not. But in many ways, this could be one of the most important chapters in what has become the best rivalry in sports.

How so? Some observations from the game:

1. Winning a close one - When it comes to evaluating a team based on wins and losses, I've always subscribed to the theory put forth by ESPN's John Hollinger :

Coaches are fond of saying that good teams win the close games, but they actually have it backward -- lucky teams win the close games; good teams win the blowouts. Lopsided victories are a far better barometer of quality.

This does not mean that a team winning a close game only won because they got lucky. Good teams are the ones that put themselves in the best position to win, but in a close game, the outcome usually hinges on the mere bounce of a ball one way or another. Such is not the case in a blowout because a blowout leaves no doubt. Prior to the Colts game, this is all the Patriots were doing (in fact, the average score of their previous 8 games was an astounding 41-16 margin). That's better than a three touchdown advantage! From destroying bottom-feeders like the Dolphins and Jets, to negating the high-octane the offenses of Cincinnati and San Diego, to dispatching contenders like Washington and (*gulp*) Dallas, the Patriots were running roughshod over the league.

Then came the close win over the Colts this past weekend. The offense looked out of sync. They were on the road. The officiating was shady (I'll get to this in a minute). The offensive line looked confused the entire first half, a ten yard sack killed their opening drive, and an incredibly (lucky) athletic pick of a Brady pass in the fourth could have sealed the game.

Yet in spite of all this, the Patriots still came out on top. The defense gave up some big plays but held tight in the red zone, effectively shut down Dallas Clark, and held the Colts to 20 points. Meanwhile, for all their first-half misfires, the offensive line adjusted to the pass rush, receivers stopped dropping passes, and New England scored on three of their last four drives to pull out the victory. So while I continue to marvel at how this team demolishes opponents, a close win over the second best team in the league on the road is just as impressive.

2. The Patriots have now shifted momentum back in their favor... for now - In the first six meetings between Tom Brady and Peyton Manning, the Patriots won all six. Since then, the Colts had won three in a row, including a 27-20 regular season win followed by the "Comeback" in the AFC Championship game. The seemingly invincible roadblock to Peyton Manning's championship had finally been conquered, and people began to wonder if the era of the Patriots was quietly coming to an end.

Now the ball is back in New England's court. After flailing in their previous three meetings, the Patriots took the best shot an undefeated champ had to offer and came out on top. It's the type of game that New England was notorious for winning in the past, back when they were the defending champs sitting quietly on the sideline as everyone gasped at the flashy Colts sprinting out of the regular season gate. Back then, there was an attitude, a desire to shove it in the faces of everyone who forgot that they were the baddest team around. They lost that edge in the last two years, but it seems as though they've taken it back.

3. Dear Lord, it's Randy Moss! - Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, was wrong about Randy Moss prior to this season. It's easy to forget that Randy was one of the most feared and talented players the league had to offer from the moment he got drafted. A declining Daunte Culpepper and a two year sentence in football hell can do that. To think that all it took was a 4th round pick to acquire him (and the best QB ever to tame him) is sick. Since then, we've heard teammates praise him, coaches exalt him, and watched Randy himself dazzle us play after play. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go throw up while thinking of the Eagles signing Kevin Curtis in the off season.

4. The hidden genius of Belichick - One of the biggest controversies not involving the words "spy" and "gate" this year has been the apparent outcry over New England seemingly running up the score in games that were well in hand. I have three giant problems with this. First, no self-respecting fan should ever bitch about a someone running up the score against their team. Any and all criticism should be directed against their own pathetic team for being unable to stop the bleeding (anyone who listens to WIP in Philly knows this to be true). This is why you didn't hear opposing coaches so much as frown in post-game press conferences after getting their asses kicked by New England, because they knew their team had a lot to work on. Second, we're not talking about some pop-warner, highschool or college squad that is clearly outclassed. These aren't children, and no one is going to give Ryan Boschetti a shoulder to cry on. These are professional athletes, and well paid ones at that. Third, and probably most important, this is a capped sports league, meaning that every team is on a financially level playing field. Unlike baseball (no cap), basketball (luxury tax) or hockey (small market teams), football has a hard cap that prevents big markets from hoarding all the premier players in the league. If a team can put together as superior a roster as the Patriots have assembled while playing by the same rules as everyone else, then they have the right to play as hard as they want.

Considering how much better the Patriots have been compared to their opponents, it's almost a miracle that Belichick can keep them motivated each and every week. What's more amazing is how much sense it makes for this team to play all 60 minutes, even when the opponent seems to be over. Just look at their playoff exit from last season. The Patriots had the game against the Colts in the bag and let it slip away in the second half. The coaching staff was clearly sending a message to all their players this season that such a disaster would not be tolerated again. And in case you missed it, the Patriots needed all 60 minutes to beat the Colts in a close one this weekend. Coincidence? Hardly. Chalk it up to good coaching.

5. Converting the crucial third down - Speaking of last year, the defining moment for the Patriots in that game was a dropped pass by Reche Caldwell on third-and-short that would have gotten the first down and ran the clock to seal the Colts fate. Up by 4 in the fourth quarter and needing to convert a third-and-short to end the game, Brady completed a perfect pass to newly-acquired slot man Wes Welker to end the game this weekend.

6. Most obvious home-field advantage ever - I can't even begin to quantify how bad the officiating was in this game, so thank God that Bill Simmons did it for me. Aside from the fact that an angry Bill Simmons rant is among the most entertaining pieces of writing you can find, I also love reading them for the multitude of times he reminds me of moments that happened during the game. As I'm going to let his article do most of the talking for me, what I will say is this. On the first drive of the game, Manning completed an 11-yard pass to Aaron Moorehead on the sideline. I say on the sideline and not near the sideline because Moorehead was out of bounds. The ruling on the field was a catch, even though not one, but TWO officials were no more than ten feet away, staring directly at Moorehead's foot planted out of bounds as he made the grab. New England challenged the ruling on the field and the call was reversed, but I remember turning to Phil at the time and sarcastically saying that I hoped this wasn't an omen for how the rest of the game would be officiated. Turns out it was. Not since Dwayne Wade in the 2006 NBA Finals have I seen an entire team of officials give such an obvious advantage to the home team on almost every single call (and no-call) of the game. For the rest of my life, I will swear that someone in the league worked to give the advantage to the Colts, and no one will ever convince me otherwise.

7. Even the Colts are scared of this team - Aside from the return of the glorious Peyton Manning patented "dear in headlights" face, the most telling moment for me came at the end of the first half. A Tom Brady pass intended for Stallworth was intercepted at the Colts 2 yard line. Down by 1 with a 1:55 left on the clock, three timeouts, and with the Patriots receiving the kickoff in the second half, the Colts ran behind Addai twice, called timeout, then threw a short pass to Moorehead to get out of dangerous territory and move up to the 17 yard line. Suddenly I'm watching as the Colts let the clock wind down, throw another short pass to Wayne and finally use their second time out to stop the clock at 0:28.

So you're at home, the crowd is already out of the game at this point, you're down by one and giving the ball at the half, and you're settling for short passes with no intention of putting together some sort of FG drive? I understand that some people would say 'hey, you're deep in your zone, move the ball and just play it safe before the half', but then why bother using any of your timeouts in the first place. You have two minutes and three timeouts, the quintessential 2-minute drive! It was clear to me that the Colts were indecisive in what they wanted to do, and eventually decided to just go in at the half behind. There was no urgency in their actions, no attitude. Somehow, the football Gods decided to smile on their cowardice, allowing a short pass to Addai to spring for a miracle go-ahead 73 yard TD, but in that span of 90 seconds you could see that all 31 teams are scared of the Patriots, Peyton Manning included. Which brings me to my final observation.

8. The endless discussion coming to an end? - I wrote here back in July about the Tom Brady/Peyton Manning debate, going so far as to compare Manning to the perennial cute girl getting named prom queen for being everyone's crush since 3rd grade, even with a more deserving candidate (Brady) waiting in the wings. The argument always seems to come down to whether you were a stats guy or a winning/intangibles guy, with both sides copping out and agreeing "well, until Brady gets the kind of weapons that Manning has, we'll never know which one is better".

Now we know. Brady is on pace to demolish Manning's single season TD record, single season passer-rating, and put up kind of numbers we've never seen. As a team, the Patriots are on pace to obliterate the record for points scored by a team in a single season. The question, in my mind, is now finally answered: with the likes of Randy Moss, Wes Welker and Donte Stallworth, Brady is showing that with comparable weapons on offense, Manning and his statistical accomplishments pale when compared to his own. In a game where he could finally say he had the kind of weapons that Manning got to enjoy his entire career, Brady came out victorious.

Not only that, but he snatched back the crown that so many journalists had tried to place on Mannings head after last season; the crown of clutch. But in this game, we saw once again what we had seen for the majority of both QBs careers: Brady leading his team down the field in the 4th quarter when his team needed him most, and Manning shrinking in the same situation. You could see it in his face as he sat on the sidelines after a three-and-out, watching Brady convert a crucial third down play to run out the clock and seal both teams fate: Manning knows the same thing I do.

Brady is the best football player on the planet, maybe one of the best ever, and barring catastrophe in the post-season, the argument of who is better isn't an argument anymore.

I Must Be Crazy

"Know thyself." Pretty simple concept right? I always thought it was. I mean, how could you possibly not know what's going on in your own head, not know who you are or what you want? Personally, I never understood how people could sometimes be so oblivious to themselves, how they could say one thing and do something else and not recognize the hypocrisy in their actions. I never wanted to be like that. I've always needed to be in control, be self aware, and make the right adjustments in my life or in my thinking to try and be the person that I believe I want to be. In that pursuit I feel I'm ahead of the curve. At this exact moment, at the exact second you read this, I still feel that I have a deep understanding of my morals, my convictions, my strengths and my flaws. Looking back, the changes I've made to myself since the days of high school are few and refining in nature.

I mention all this because it frustrates me that I've ignored a very obvious and very real problem in my life for the last few years. . .



"Oh my God, is Tegan coming out?!?"

No, and fuck you, that's not what I'm getting at. About five years ago, me and every other junior in the country had to decide what they wanted to do with their lives. Being at the top of my class, I felt like there was an obligation to join a profession of higher status, and since math and science were always my strong suits, I decided that chemical engineering, with its prestige and lofty starting salary, was the right choice. I say "obligation" with regret now; when classmates said "Tegan is gonna be a millionaire genius and Flacco is gonna be in the NFL" and I'd scoff because I knew that big fish in a little pond often aren't the biggest in the ocean, it seems that I subconscienciously bought into that way of thinking.

The truth of the matter is that I never really got into it. I've been doing the chemical engineering thing for about four years now, completing three different co-ops along the way, and nothing has ever grabbed my attention. Not once did I ever find anything that made me say "wow, this is pretty cool, this is definitely what I want to do when I graduate." When people asked me how I liked working, I'd always say that I enjoyed being employed and earning a paycheck and the social interaction, but that the work itself was never that great. And when people asked me how classes were, I'd shrug my shoulders. I kept making excuses for myself, saying that getting my degree was just a stepping stone for real life; that if I could just get through it and find a half-decent job that paid pretty well I'd be able to create a life outside of work that I'd be happy with.

I know differently now. What I know now that I didn't want to know before is that being happy with what I do is more important to me than the dollar amount on the paycheck I earn. Fact is, in the four years I've been taking classes and working jobs, the thing I've always looked forward to is coaching, and it's not because my brothers are on the team, and it's not because I get to be involved with a sport I used to play. It's because I feel like I'm making a difference, that maybe I'm actually making those kids better players, and maybe even better people.

What I want to do is teach.

Teaching has always been an option for me, something I've discussed with friends in the past. Foolishly, I've always created reasons not to because I thought that the money and bullshit "obligation" to my high school status lay elsewhere. In the four years I've been here at school, I've never been able to actually picture myself as an engineer, but I can quite easily see teaching as something I'd be able to get up every day for. Two years ago, when my sister decided she wanted to be a high school history teacher, I was genuinely jealous. Now I'm finally reading the writing that's been on the walls.

The road to being me hasn't had all that many short-cuts, and certain choices I've made have sometimes made the trip harder. I've been honest with people to a fault, maintained sobriety to the detriment of an easy social life, and adhered to a personal code of conduct that has seen me smacking my forehead after turning down girls of the not-so-sober status. Is choosing a new career going to make the path any easier? Hell no. Doing what I plan on doing is going to change a lot of things, but I do so knowing that change as a 22 year old college student is much easier to handle than change at 32.

But it's the right choice for me to make, and it's something I know I want to do.

Are We There Yet?

It's August, which can mean only one thing: it's almost September. Yes, that's right, and with the simple flip of a page from my High School Musical Calendar we will officially welcome the Fall. While summer and winter may get a lot of hype, and as nice as spring can be, the fall season has to be the best. There's no argument: sweaters, jeans, Eagles, Flyers, fantasy football, soccer, Thanksgiving, cool weather and hot chocolate. . . . shall I continue? When you're as advanced in age as I am and summer break is no longer relevant, the advantages of autumn really shine.

Perhaps one truly underrated benefit of the change of season is that we finally free ourselves of the second-most dreaded month of the year, because let's get real here (February aside) August brings nothing to the table. It's way too hot, the humidity kills, baseball is the only "sport" going and there's not a worthy holiday to speak of. If anything, it's really just a tease; a roadblock in our path to September and the change of season that accompanies it.

About the only decent thing that happened this month was that I got a chance to follow up the Tegan family July getaway with an August-appropriate visit to the Monahans on the Island of Long. Our usually distant Uncle Chris also made the trip up, which meant that all three of my uncles were present and accounted for. For the most part we simply relaxed pool-side at my uncle Keith's place, but all the kids were running around and the grill was pumping out food almost as fast as we could eat it, so personal illness aside (of course I catch a bug the day before leaving . . . thanks a lot August, you prick) I certainly had no complaints.

But outside the family vacation the month has been, for the most part, utterly uneventful, which may help explain why I'm practically drooling at the mere thought of the upcoming season. Wait a minute, this all seems very familiar . . . .

For weeks, months even, I had been looking ahead to the month of September to save me...

Hmm, I guess my disdain for August is a yearly thing, but I suppose that helps prove my point. Consider as well that living here in Philadelphia, with it's incredible sports atmosphere, combined with my previously outlined obsession with athletic competition, only amplifies the importance of the fall. A fact which led to ponder what actually makes this city such a sports dynamo? What makes sports in the city of brotherly love better than anywhere else?

Well I'm glad I asked.

Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to present the Top 20 Reasons Why Philly Kicks Ass as a Sports Town. In my personal variation of the "American Top 40", I shall outline exactly what makes sports here so special. This is not a remembrance of the greatest sports moments in this towns history. That would be too easy. Instead, this is a list of the many factors that which yearly make sports here more enjoyable and unique than anywhere else.

20. Rivalry - If the measure of a team is it's rivals, then the list a Philadelphia fan can produce must be one of the most impressive. Historically, teams here have been very important over the span of their respective sport's existence, and so have their closest and most hated rivals: Dallas Cowboys, NY Rangers, Boston Celtics, NY Giants, Atlanta Braves, the Devils, the Pistons, the Mets, the Penguins. You'd be hard pressed to come up with a more imposing list than that, and in the case of each rival, the hatred is palpable. So why is this reason #20? Well, any time the Cowboys or Giants are involved, I refuse to put them anywhere but the absolute bottom.

19. Blue Horizon - Sadly, even the most phanatic phan may find themselves wiki-searching this one, but believe me when I say that the Legendary Blue Horizon is one of the best hidden sports gems this city has to offer. And don't misinterpret my use of the word "legendary" as simply a colorful adjective. Not long ago, boxing was one of the premier interests of the country, until money and corruption began to ruin it. Yet the Blue Horizon shines on as one of the last humble churches of this dying religion.

18. Little Three - Unlike the Big Three (which will be mentioned later), the little 3 is what I like to call the tri-fecta of racing-style spectacles this city holds every year. I'm referring of course to the Penn Relays, the Schuylkill Regatta and the Philadelphia International Championship Bike Race. Every year during the summer months, the best of the best from across the country (and in some cases the world) make their way here to take part in three of the most respected and important events in their sports. The crowds are huge, the competitors many, and the entertainment value . . . well to be honest, they don't necessarily rock my world. Yet while I may not wait in line for a ticket, the outcomes are usually of interest and the relevance completely obvious.

17. Pats/Genos - Does cut-throat economic competition count as a sport? Well, in my book it does. And in this case, we're talking about the two biggest heavyweights in the biggest food pissing-contest this city has to offer. Pats over Genos. Genos over Pats. No matter which you prefer, it's a point of discussion and (in some cases) violent argument in this city, and I embrace it. Whether you're attracted to Rocky's food of choice or shiny neon lights, wiz or provolone, the cheesesteak battle is as important a feature of the Philly sports terrain as anything else.

16. FDR - You're sitting in traffic, on your way to watch your favorite team play a crucial game with playoff implications. The tickets cost an arm and a leg, the seats aren't that good, and while you stare at the retarded collection of bumper stickers on the car in front of you, you're wife/girlfriend complains because she can't understand your sports obsession. The last thing you feel like doing is paying some asshole $20 to let you park ten minutes away from the stadium. That's why, whenever I'm on my way to South Philly, I thank God that he created FDR Park. OK, maybe God didn't create it, I'm sure it was some city planner, but you get the idea. If you don't know already, let me drop this knowledge on you: it's big, it's free and it's not much further than most of the overpriced lots in the area. If you don't feel like walking the extra steps then be my guest and waste a twenty spot that could be used on dogs and beer. Did I mention that FDR also doubles as an actual park with picnic tables, skate parks, tennis courts and baseball diamonds? Well I just did.

15. Tykes on Ice - A beautiful tradition of the Flyers franchise in which two teams of local youngsters go head-to-head during the second intermission of home games to showcase their skills, skate slowly, fall down a lot, and never ever ever ever EVER score. I swear, these kids score about as frequently as Rosie O'Donnell. I've only seen it once (a goal, not the Rosie thing), and it was one of the most memorable moments of my life. The fact remains that this Flyers tradition is one of the best around. After all, what could be better than wide-eyed hockey loving kids playing their hearts out to the encouraging cheers of some of the best hockey fans in the country? Pure and awesome.

14. Eagles cheerleaders - Call me sexist, call me a pig, but how could any man resist cheerleaders? It's really not my fault, I swear. The Quality-Control Supervisors of Applause and General Fanaticism employed by the Eagles are some of the best and most beautiful found anywhere. In fact, their yearly calendar and constantly improving website have placed them atop the NFL cheerleader food chain as they are consistently voted #1 by football fans. Did I mention they're hot?

13. Chickie's and Pete's - I'm not a fan of needing two apostrophes in one title, but everything else about this mega sports bar is legit. Last year, my Uncle Eugene and his NYC cop buddies came down to check out a Mets/Phils game with me as their brotherly-love sherpa (this was the same game where Aaron Rowand broke his face making a running grab in center field off of Xavier Nady). Surprisingly, guys who have to watch games at shitty Shea stadium were most impressed with C&P's. The proximity to the stadiums is perfect, there are jumbo TV's showing nothing but sports on every wall, the bar is stocked and the food is quick yet surprisingly good (mmmm crab fries). The service can be hit or miss (I've had my best waitress ever there named Brook, but I've also had one of my worst), but it's definitely a valuable commodity for any fan for pre or post-game festivities.

12. Flying Flyers - You know the expression "having an ace up your sleeve"? For a Philly fan, the Flyers are that ace. While the other three franchises in the city experience highs and lows, and for the most part it's been lows, the Flyers are consistently a contender. How consistent? After winning back-to-back championships in '74 and '75, the Flyers have made the playoffs 25 out of 31 seasons, including 5 trips to the Finals. Having the ability to bank on local success like that, year in and year out, is a valuable security blanket for any sports fan.

11. Wingbowl - I swear, this completes the eating portion of the exam. Every year, half the men in the greater city area tailgate in the A.M. hours of the January cold so they can watch a handful of the best competitive eaters in the world attack buffalo-sauced poultry parts on the eve of the biggest sports event in the country; the Big Game (due to copyright laws, the NFL will not allow me to write the words "Super" and "Bowl" as they have been trademarked). I cannot possibly convey, in words or pictures, how awesome this concept actually is or it's importance to the city. If you can't understand, then I can't help you. Trust me when I say it's kinda a big deal.

10. Big "Six" - To many it's the Big Five, but I'm from Drexel and biased. The cluster of local Universities make the city a national basketball hotbed and do much to make this city different from most major cities in the country. With a large college-student community to add a certain flavor to the social fabric of the city, these schools also guarantee that at least one of the group will be in the hunt during a little thing called March Madness (basketball fan or not, the NCAA tournament for hard court glory is easily one of the three biggest events in the country). The group is also unique in that they all flex their respective schedules to play each other every year in spite of the fact that they play in different conferences, which makes for a special kind of rivalry.

9. Stadiums - In the past, the Vet struck fear into the hearts of opposing players and visiting fans. It was large and imposing, dirty and "turfed", and it was ours. While I was sad to see it go, I was also happy to see the raising of two new stadiums in it's place. In sports, teams always brag about their new homes and use it as a measure of their success and the strength of their fan base. In the last 11 years, we've seen all four of our teams find shiny new homes. The Wachovia Center, Citizens Bank Park and the Link are all impressive and fan friendly and each is within a stones throw of the other. I've been in all three and was impressed each and every time, and while the Vet may be gone, the Spectrum and it's rich history still stands. Combining it's presence with the three new stadiums makes the sports complex a special place.

8. EAGLES! - The Eagles chant is special if only for the fact that it has no time limit. Football season or not, it doesn't matter to the die-hard fan. I've heard it at baseball games and on the radio, I've heard it in bathrooms and bars, I've heard it yelled from the window of a passing cab in May. It's like a manly musk that hangs in the air, communicating our dominance to the lesser sports species and scaring off scavengers.

7. The King - I've written here about Howard Eskin before. The premier personality on AM sports radio, the King of Bling is a local treasure. First of all, he knows sports. Well, in fairness, he knows baseball, football and basketball (he's not a big hockey guy). If you want to know why a guy played the way he did, where someone should bat in a lineup, or want to understand the nuances of the game, Howard is your man. Secondly, he's got inside sources coming out the ass. He's basically the deep-throat of the Philly sports community. If there is a whisper of an upcoming trade or player acquisition, Eskin is usually the first on the station to break the story. Third, the guy is straight up entertaining. Most people bitch that he's narrow-minded and rude, and to a degree that may be true, but most times his insults are directed at people who really don't know what the fuck they are talking about, and I enjoy his brand of blatant regulation. For local sports talk radio in it's purest form, Eskin is and always will be the King.

6. The Dancing Guy at the Flyers Games (aka Shawn Hill) - This is pretty self-explanatory. Basically, there's this overweight white guy with Flyers season tickets in the nose-bleed sections who always busts a move during the "get pumped up" music. It's always at some crucial point in the game when they turn up the house music, start showing fans jumping and hollering on the jumbo screen, and this guy always ends up stealing the show. His pop and lock skills are on par with Justin Timberlake and his comedic value reminiscent of Chris Farley. I was at a game during the regular season where it was actually his birthday: they announced it on the big screen, played a funky beat, and let him do his thing for a good two minutes as the house went nuts and gave him a long standing ovation. Check out this tribute video and watch for the point where you can actually tell when he goes up on the screen and the ladies swoon, or this one where him dancing to thriller becomes an event in itself.

5. Jersey of South - New Jersey critics, here me out on this one. Remember that scene in Braveheart when the Irish betray the British, join up with William Wallace and his lovable lads and fight for freedom? The scene illustrates an important point which is that every cause needs men from many walks of life to take up the good fight. Pennsylvania natives may be a little bit possessive with their sports teams, but they shouldn't be. Like it or not, South Jersey is called home by as many Philly sports fans as the greater Philadelphia area, a very simple but very important truth that should not be overlooked, and their cheers and boos are just as loud and powerful. It also perfectly demonstrates the allure of the Philly sports scene in that people of another state, a state with it's own sports teams, would rather declare their allegiance to the bright lights from across the river. So I say cheer on Philly faithful, and welcome.

4. National Attention - A big reason Philadelphia is so special as a sports town is because the children of our beloved teams can be found in some of the most prominent positions of entertainment and national analysis. We have John Kruk always anchoring the Baseball Tonight crew; Sir Charles Barkley as the centerpiece of the NBA on TNT; Mike Golic on nationally syndicated "Mike and Mike in the Morning"; Ron Jaworski on NFL Live and in the Monday Night Football booth; Keith Jones in studio for NHL games on Versus; and Steven A. Smith and Sal Paolantonio providing valuable input for ESPN. It's clear that we've infected every facet of national sports media and we're here to stay.

3. No Yuppies - If there is one thing that fans in this city are more proud of than their teams, it's the tradition of losing created by them. Teams in this city are notorious for losing, and that pride in losing is prominent throughout our sports subculture. It's what makes Philadelphia fans different from every other fan. We want to win and we bitch and moan about losing, but at the same time, we wear that pain and suffering we've endure like a badge of honor. There is at least one benefit to having a culture of losing however, and that's a lack of yuppie fans. Yuppie fans are nothing more than luxury fans: fans created by people desperate to be cool and who view a shiny new championship as their ticket to show off. Yuppie fans are like a cancer to a city. They reproduce rapidly and asexually, lack knowledge of players and fail to understand even the most basic concepts of the sport. They frustrate the real fans, make them want to avoid going out to the games, and essentially eat away at the solid foundation of a good fanbase. Yet winning is crucial to their existence, and winning is something that this city hasn't seen in over twenty years. So while we may be lacking the banners in recent times, the number of "quality" sports fans is as abundant as ever.

2. The Big 3 - The Big 3 refers to the trinity of sportscasters that make the memorable calls for our favorite teams: Merrill Reese for Eagles radio, Jim Jackson for televised Flyers games, and the best of them all, Harry Kalas for Phillies play-by-play on both radio and TV. Each may have their own unique style, but all three are considered the cream of the sports broadcasting crop. With intimate knowledge of the sport, a natural understanding of the flow of the game, powerful playcalling and likeable personalities, these three perfectly capture the action of the game and call it with the flare and intensity of a storyteller. Harry is the best of them all. Not limited to a single sport, he has also been THE voice for all the season perspectives and classic game highlights for NFL Films and is one of the most recognizable voices in all of sports. When a fan watches his team, he wants more than just the pictures and sounds of the game. These three provide that extra something that transcends the sport, and the Philadelphia fan is lucky to have them.

1. Phanatic - The team captain and best player on the Philadelphia Sports team. A charter member of the Mascot Hall of Fame, the Phanatic is one of the most recognizable and lovable characters in all of sports. Widely regarded as the best mascot around, both locally and nationally, the Phanatic and his seemingly endless array of comedic tools is one of the most powerful entities in the Philadelphia sporting world. Riding high on his ATV, mocking opposing players, dancing on the dugouts, kissing fans and security guards, throwing pelvic thrusts in the direction of enemy pitchers . . . there is no path the Phanatic won't take in his quest to do everything possible to ensure a Phillies victory and, perhaps more importantly, guarantee a good experience for the fans. A big green monster with balls of steel, hips of fury and a heart of gold, the Phanatic represents the best and most lovable qualities of the Philly sports fan.

There and Back Again

Since the moment I was born, my family has made a yearly pilgrimage up to New Hampshire. The annual wind-down is something I always look forward to simply because I get to spend time with my family at a lake-front cottage and just relax. No TV, no stress, no worries. . . . just the way I like it. If I'm not swimming or playing cards or hiking trails, I'm literally sitting in a chair with a drink in hand, staring out over the lake alone in my thoughts. Getting up there has been especially valuable the last few years due to college and all the difficulties associated with it.

This year was no different. I headed out of Philly on the last Friday of June and didn't come back until the night of the 4th of July. After a few years away, the Tegan family was finally back at Bow Lake where we belonged and the familiar sites and sounds were refreshing (it felt right being back at the place that many memories call home). It was also the first year for my new sister Sarah at the lake, so we all had a blast putting her through the paces of life at the Bow.

The resulting problem has always been the inevitable return to life back home. It's not as if I can't stand existence here in the Philadelphia area: far from it in fact as I really do love being here in city, being close to everyone and everything important in my life. But the fact remains that transitioning from vacation life (soaking up sunshine on an 80 degree day in a cushioned chair beside a tranquil lake) to the humid heat of city life is tough. Then three things happened:

1. Shit hit the fan between me and John/Kaitlin the morning of the 6th.

2. I was laid off from my job.

3. My computer died.

Hooray on all three counts. I'm not going to get into the first, ESPECIALLY in this blog (lest we all forget the now infamous "Blog Incident" that took place before the NFL draft three months ago). My computer died, for the fourth time in four years, only this time it wouldn't even start up in safe mode. As far as getting laid off from my job, my company lost a big contract due to a strike by one of our customers and needed to lay off the part-time help in order to accommodate the union guys (hey, it happens, what can you do).

The thing is, I'm not even writing this to complain or to fish for sympathy. Instead, I'm writing this to share a message of hope.

After avoiding the computer problem for awhile, I finally decided that today was a good day to play around with it and see what the level of destruction was. Phil helped check out the BIOS noticed that my computer was only sporting about 72MB of RAM (if you really don't know shit about anything, that means that my computer had about as much computing power as a circa 1992 Mac). . . . AKA, my memory was bad. I grabbed a screwdriver and took out the two memory sticks from my computer to investigate when I had a moment of pure genius. Straight Super NES style, I jokingly blew on the sticks like many of us used to with game cartridges.

Amazingly, it worked, and with that my technology drought was over. With any luck, this minor change of fate will shift the momentum in my favor.

Killing Queen

Everyone knows that I love sports. Not just like. Love. When I was a little kid I really didn't care about them much. Maybe it was because my parents weren't the biggest of sports fans, or maybe it was because we didn't stop moving around and settle in one area until I was about 5, but for most of my early years I was much more interested in pretending to be Wolverine or building spaceships out of LEGOs to care about who was going to make it out of the NFC East. It wasn't until I reached highschool, the same season Elway finally won the big one against Favre and the Packers in possibly the greatest Super Bowl ever, that I started to give a shit. I can't tell you much about the history of anything, and I don't know every stat under the sun, but I know enough to back up an opinion. And while football might be my favorite, I'm the only one in my house that follows all four of the major sports along with tennis and a few others.

I think it's the purity of sports that appeals to me the most. There are no loopholes where you can create unfair advantages (ideally, this is usually the case). Unlike life, sports allow people to compete against each other in a world with boundaries defined by rules; a world where physical ability is often no more important than skill or intelligence; a world that can unify entire cities as they root and cheer for "their" players, for "their" team. And unlike life, it's a world where your pedigree doesn't matter and where what you do is more important than the name on your back.

Take highschool for instance. One of the highlights is always the crowning of a homecoming queen: after all, who doesn't want to see five of the schools hottest freezing in evening gowns while riding on the back of some locals' Corvette? My senior year it was Lindsey Ruoff; nice enough girl, tall and beautiful, but that was about it. I can think of three girls off the top of my my head who were just as attractive, had "top third" GPA's, and either played sports or were heavily involved in activities. And therein lies the problem with homecoming: the queen almost never represents the absolute best the class has to offer. It's always the one with the prettiest face or the "it" girl that everyone had the hots for since 3rd grade. In a small town, you're name is almost always more important than what you've done. Even when we were young, you always had at least one kid make the all-star team because he used to be a stud (even though other kids have since surpassed him in ability).

Hmmmm. . . . maybe the world of sports isn't always as perfect as I'd like it to be. Recently, ESPN asked five football experts who the best quarterback in the NFL was, which can always be broken down to a choice between Peyton Manning and Tom Brady. Astonishingly, the unanimous choice was Peyton Manning. The argument against Manning had always been that he'd failed to win "the big one", but that his recent Superbowl victory cemented his place as the leagues' best. What's even more astonishing is that I'm one of the few people who feel otherwise, who think Manning is over-appreciated and who'd take Brady over anyone else taking snaps in the league today. When I told Jay about the article and how I wanted to write about it, his response was "how is that even something you can write about?" In other words, like myself, he didn't see where an argument could even be made. The Brady-Manning debate is a classic, so here's my take on it.

1. Just like the ESPN experts, Peter King recently rated Manning over Brady because Manning had finally "put all the can't-win-the-big-one stuff behind him." In the minds of many, he always had the stats to place him as one of the best but lacked the post-season success to be the best. Until this past year, Manning's postseason career looked as follows: 9 games, 193 of 362 passes (53%), 2461 yds (273.4 ypg), 15 TDs, 8 INTs, 3-6 record (for the record, his playoff numbers currently stand at 61%, 18 TD, 15 INT, 7-6). Clearly unimpressive, especially when you consider his regular season prowess (64% completion, 0.639 winning percentage, 7 pro-bowls and the second-best passer rating of all time at 94.4). His failures in the post-season are even more apparent when compared to Brady's playoff statistics (61% completion, 229.8 ypg, 20 TDs, 9 INTs, 12-2 record and 3 Super Bowls).

Most would say that his 4 post-season wins this past year indicate he has gotten over the "hump", but take a closer look at those victories and you'll see the evidence just isn't there. I'll admit, Manning's come from behind victory against the Patriots in the AFC Championship game in which he overcame a 21-6 halftime deficit was one of the best playoff performances by a QB in NFL history. During that half, he engineered 5 scoring drives (including a game winning 80 yard TD drive with less than 2 minutes left), threw and rushed for a touchdown, and had no interceptions. However, this would be the only impressive half for Manning's entire 2006 post-season. He threw just one touchdown but three interceptions against a soft Kansas City defense, played horribly with a 39.6 passer rating against the Ravens, produced only two fieldgoal drives and an interception in the first half of the Patriots game, and "won" the sloppiest Super Bowl I've ever seen by passing for a whopping 247 yards with one touchdown and two turnovers. Seriously, do those numbers really impress anyone?

What's more, one could argue that those games were not so much won by the Colts but lost by their opponents (yes, there is a HUGE difference). Going into the playoffs, the Colts had the worst run defense in the league and teams like Tennessee, Jacksonville and Houston (combined record 22-26) were able to easily defeat them simply by running it down their throats. So how was the Colts' Achilles heel exposed during their playoff run to glory? Larry Johnson and the Chiefs ran the ball a measly 17 times, the Ravens ran it 20 times in a fieldgoal-only extravaganza, and the Bears rushed only 19 times in spite of the fact that it was raining and were rushing for 5.8 yards a pop in the game. Why these teams didn't pound the ball at least 30 times against the Colts in each of these games is something I'll never be able to understand.

2. For his career, Peyton Manning had far better weapons at his disposal than Brady ever did, period. This really isn't debatable. If he can avoid injuries, Manning will eventually hold most of the passing records in the NFL, but as everyone drools over the numbers he puts up year after year, the numbers of Marvin Harrison are continually overshadowed. While the "best QB of all-time" debate truly is a debate, Jerry Rice and his 13 pro-bowls and 3 Super Bowl victories is without a doubt the best wide receiver of all time. Yet by the end of Manning's career, Marvin Harrison might break most, if not all, of Rice's 12 NFL receiving records.

Along with Edgerrin James (4 time pro-bowler, 1999-2005), Reggie Wayne (skilled enough to be a #1 receiver on most NFL teams), and a consistently impressive offensive line, Manning has always had an abundance of talent on the offensive side of the ball. Tom Brady? Not so much. In the last six NFL seasons (the limit of my internet searching ability) the Patriots have sent only 2 offensive players (both linemen) to the Pro-Bowl whose names were NOT Tom Brady. Over that same span, the Colts had 16 other offensive players make their way to Hawaii. On top of that, with the possible exception of Corey Dillon, can you name anyone Brady has played with to this point that is a Hall of Fame possibility? Would you have the same answer with regards to Peyton Manning? I didn't think so either.

What's more, Manning has thrived in what has essentially been an unchanged system for his entire career. Does this mean that the great Peyton Manning may simply be nothing more than a glorified "system" quarterback? Hell no. But the same cannot be said about Brady. Not only has Brady been able to win with a seemingly endless parade of no-name players, he's done so in an adaptive offensive system that operates year to year based on their available personnel.

3. When talking about Peyton Manning, statistics are the one thing people most often point to as an indicator of his greatness. Indisputable numbers are incredibly valuable tools when talking about any topic. Hell, up to this point, the majority of my arguments have been backed up by researched stats and numbers. But we often forget that statistics are tools and nothing more.

Stats are incredibly helpful, but at a certain point, you have to incorporate analysis, homework and opinion as well. There are intangibles that must be taken into account that cannot be reflected in stats alone.

What my intuition and analysis tells me is this: when it comes to game day, there's only on quarterback in the league that I don't want to see lining up against my team, and that QB is Tom Brady. For every impressive statistic Manning has produced, Brady has an equally impressive fact regarding the most important factor of all: winning. While the Colts started the 2005 season with 13 straight victories, the Patriots hold the NFL record for most consecutive wins with 21. Manning is 7-6 in the playoffs while Tom Brady holds the record for most consecutive playoff wins at 10. Manning will eventually pass Marino as the best statistical QB in NFL history, but Brady currently has the highest career win% of any QB ever. Brady has never really had a terrible outting in the playoffs, but Manning has had at least four instances of playing at a sub-70 passer-rating level (Ravens '06, Patriots '03 and '04, Jets '02). And in the end, isn't winning and producing when your team needs you to the most important things for any player in any sport? Statistics are tangible, which is why they are so universal and convenient, but it's the intangibles that often decide who wins and who goes home, and Brady certainly has all the right intangibles.

When everything's said and done though, it's highschool all over again. Peyton and his pedigree have been the apple of the NFL's eye since he was drafted out of Tennessee. His father played in the league, and now his younger brother does too. He's always had the accolades, always been in the spotlight, and everyone has been so desperate for him to win a championship that they couldn't wait to hand him the Superbowl MVP even when offensive line and running-back tandum deserved it more. He's the homecoming queen that everyone has been waiting to crown since 1999. Then there's blue-collar Tom Brady, who had to fight for playing time his senior year at Michigan even after leading them to a conference title his junior year. Lacking the hype, he was famously drafted late in the 6th round and played second fiddle to Drew Bledsoe for two years. When he stepped in due to injury, all he did was lead the Patriots all the way to their first ever championship. But he doesn't have the name, doesn't have the pedigree, and doesn't have the flashy numbers that Manning does. All he does is win, but I guess winning isn't what always gets you the crown.

Some other sports notes:- In case you missed it, the first round playoff series between the #1 Dallas Mavericks and the #8 Goldenstate Warriors was one of the best playoff series I've ever seen in any sport. It wasn't great in a "back-and-forth-struggle-leading-to-a-game-seven" way, but in an inspiring underdog performance sort of way. Three things that made this series enjoyable:

1. Dirk Nowitzki won the league MVP, by default, because he was the best player on the best team. To me, that isn't what the award represents. If you had the first pick of any player in the league to be on your team, Kobe would probably be the player you'd pick. Not Dirk, a 7-footer with a weak post game. The rumor around the league this year was that his playoff struggles against the Heat in the finals last year had haunted him to the point of severe motivation. It was promised by everyone that we'd see a new Dirk this year in the playoffs, an improved Dirk, an unstoppable Dirk. Instead, we saw his shooting percentages and ppg drop from his regular season numbers and watched him fail to carry his team when they needed him the most. The only thing more enjoyable than watching the collapse of a paper-champ MVP was watching Mark Cuban twist in agony as his team lost yet again in disappointing fashion.
2. On the other end of the spectrum, Baron Davis finally lived up to the hype that had followed him his entire career and put on a show for the ages. He imposed his will on the Mavericks, made more incredible shots than I care to remember, and slashed to the basket consistently against one of the best defensive teams during the regular season. The best was his 20 points, 10 rebounds and 6 assists in the series-clinching game 6 win on a pulled hamstring.
3. Perhaps the best feature of this series was the Goldenstate home crowd. Bill Simmons summed it up best:

   These things don't happen at Warriors and Knicks games because they're the only two places left with old-school fans, fans who have been coming to games for 30-40 years, fans of all colors, fans who genuinely understand basketball and every nuance that comes with it. They don't need a giant video screen to help them out; hell, they don't want the giant video screen to help them out. These are the fans who recognize a beautiful pass as it's happening, not after it happens, simply because they love basketball and see the same angles players see. These are the fans who instinctively understand stuff like, "Michael Pietrus just threw down a ridiculous putback; I'm going to stand and keep cheering for an extra 30 seconds because he's a young kid and we need to keep pumping him up so he'll do it again."

- A few weeks ago, the comparative influences of Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods were discussed on ESPN, which led to an interesting debate in the house about whose accomplishments were more impressive. Since it's impossible to determine, let's assume that it's equally difficult to reach the peak of skill and physical conditioning in golf as it is in basketball. For me, Jordan and his six championships are more impressive than Tiger and his 12 because, in my mind, direct competition is more difficult than indirect competition.

Let me explain. In golf, you're not so much playing against other players as you are playing against yourself and the course. It shouldn't matter who else is playing, what their score is, or where on the leader board you are. During a competition, these factors can affect your decisions, like when to play aggressive or when to sit back conservatively, but at the end of the day you're just going out there and trying to shoot the best round of golf you can. Once you decide to go for a birdie, you still have to make it happen. In basketball, and indeed in most sports, you're playing directly against your opponent. It's an action/reaction relationship that takes place in real time. You're fighting for rebounds, contesting shots, moving to get open, all while another player physically stands in your way and tries to do the same. For that reason, Jordan's rings or Roger Federer's majors will always be more impressive to me than any number of events Tiger Woods may win in his career.

- With all this talk about Tom Brady, Michael Jordan and Tiger woods, I'm throwing this out there just for the sake of greatness. The music is funky, but what the hell. He has to be up there on the list of all-time athletes that completely dominated their sport.

- After watching the NBA playoffs this year, it's clear that Marv Albert is the best at what he does. By the way, I just remembered that Joe Buck does every big sports event aired on FOX and threw up a little in my mouth.

- Simmons had a tremendous article about the shelf-life of greatness in sports that I thought was really well done. The basis of the article was the "48 Special" performance by LeBron James in the playoffs and how people feel (unnecessarily) the need to diminish the accomplishments of past players to raise the status of present ones. Even if you don't really care for basketball (that's right Phil, I'm talking to you), this is definitely a good read for anyone that likes any sport.

Ramble On

First off, let me start by thanking all my "readers" for their continued support and interest in this blog. Between the running diary of the NFL draft and the controversial post that preceded it, we cracked the 2000 page load mark. Frankly, my ego got pretty big for a couple of days as I basked in the glow of my apparent internet popularity. . . that is until I remembered that I've been writing for about two years now and that it's basically the same 30-something people visiting the site each week (all of whom probably felt obligated to do so since I desperately mention my blog to people every chance I get as if I might win an award or something). In spite of that harsh rationalization, it's still a pretty cool milestone so thanks.

Second, for anyone left wondering after the already mentioned "controversial post", cooler heads prevailed and everything seems to be fine. I talked things out with the parties involved later that week and cleared the air on pretty much everything. In fact, Kaitlin and John have since gotten back together which has greatly helped to smooth things over.

I didn't think that I was writing to be scandalous or anything like that, but you can't dictate what offends people and I can appreciate that. Still, I couldn't help being reminded of a similar incident back during the infancy days of this blog in which I wrote about something that rubbed a friend the wrong way. I'd reiterate that I'm not trying to piss people off or alienate anyone, but what I wrote back then still rings true:

...this is a place where I come to write down not only what is going on in my life, but also a place for me to convey how I feel and what I think. Many times, as I'm sure is evident in most people's blogs, their current mood is projected onto their entries.

If you come here, then expect nothing less than what I am: I am honest, I won't pull punches, and I'm using this medium as a sort of outlet for these qualities, along with the desire to tell stories and share with others. If I say something that may be offensive and you want to talk about it, then feel free to IM me... but please don't take what I say here too personally. I come here describe, to rant, to vent, to tell people what I'm doing and why and how I feel.

I think that me being so honest and outspoken is what (hopefully) makes this blog an interesting and entertaining read, so perhaps that can be considered next time I open my big mouth.

A few brief topics from the last month:

• Congratulations to all the college graduates, and an especially sad goodbye to the wonderful ladies from the UArts right here in Philadelphia. In the last month or so I've been lucky enough to make friends with some particularly interesting (and beautiful) girls through my connection: Phil's girlfriend, the fantastic Meghann Weaver. With all the drama that's been going on in the house, having a group of friends to go out with on the weekends has been a sanity saver. Now I say "especially sad" for a couple of reasons. First, it's been made painfully clear that we could have been socializing with the girls from center city more than a year ago if Phil and I hadn't been so retarded (Phil always needed "one of the guys" to hang with when Meghann wanted to go out, and I always needed hot dancer friends with colorful personalities to improve my outlook on life . . . then again, what guy doesn't need that). Second, with graduation comes moving out, and for most people who practice the arts, that means just one thing: New York City. Both in quality and quantity, NYC truly is the apex market for dancers, actors and the like. With a few exceptions, most of the girls are leaving the city of brotherly love for the city that never sleeps, which means less people to go out with on Friday nights. There are plenty of other reasons too, all of which I really can't get into here as they are fairly specific from girl to girl. Needless to say, it feels like there is some unfinished business with a few of them that might one day be rectified. Either way, best of luck to them all.
  
• Gwen moved out and as far as I'm concerned, good riddance. Jay found an incredibly relevant article from the onion that pretty much summed up the situation in the house for the last year. Au revoir chienne!
• In this space, I should be writing about the return of the prodigal son and forgiving old friends. It would have been an uplifting tale, worth the devotion of an entire entry in which I would have talked about loyalty to friends, devotion, and doing the right thing. Instead, I'm left to write a cryptic paragraph purely to put my thoughts out there. Sadly, I was right to be skeptical of what turned out to be a disingenuous visit and I'm not even mad anymore, I'm just disgusted and disappointed.

That's all for now. Thanks to memorial day, this week is a short one and the weekend is already in sight. Be fore warned, my next entry will be heavy with the sport-related topics that I'd like to pick apart, including my blueprint for judging the recent Eagles draft, the Peyton Manning/Tom Brady debate, and much more. Stay tuned.

NFL Draft Running Diary 2007, Part II

Back for round two. If you're unaware, I've decided to keep a running diary of the NFL Draft, separating it into two parts. Scroll down (it might take awhile) and check out the Part I, which covers the first sixteen picks of the first round. After taking a break, stretching the back and ordering some grub, it's time to get back on the horse and close this bitch out, so here we go.

**Also, be sure to check out my late night post from Friday night/early Saturday morning for an update of the last two months**

3:38 pm - My my my, what a surprise. While I was away, it seems that the Broncos moved up in the draft (for perhaps the 14th time in the last 9 years) in a trade with Jacksonville to grab Jarvis Moss, a DE from Florida at spot 17. Last year, the Broncos started out the season with an unstoppable defense, got whipped by the Colts, and were never the same. Another draftee with character issues, the guy might go far to improve an insufficient Denver pass rush.

The next pick was by the Cincinnati Bengals, who had to ask the commissioner if Michigan CB Leon Hall was actually still available or if they were hallucinating thanks to Chris Henry's bong smoke. Turns out that the best corner in the draft was, in fact, still there at 18 and the Bengals wasted no time in grabbing him and praying that he's a quality, law abiding citizen. Wouldn't that be a nice change of pace?

3:45 pm - By the way, my new favorite ESPN commercial has to be the one featuring Big Papi trying on Jorge Posada's baseball cap and trying to convince Wally, the Red Sox mascot, that there's nothing going on. Classic. Wally the Green Monster should get a nomination for his roll: to communicate such disgust and anger without speaking a word is a momentous moment in commercial history. Bravo.

3:49 pm - Bad news for the Eagles. The Titans opted to not give Vince Young a better receiving threat and went ahead and grabbed Michael Griffin, the safety from Texas, the same Michael Griffin that was expected to be there for the Eagles at the 26 spot. Reggie Nelson, the safety from Florida, is still on the board, but after that the group of quality secondary players begins to thin. Let's hope we start seeing some lineman and WRs coming off the board.

3:56 pm - Time for the fucking football Giants of New York. The fans are out in force, apparently unaware of the imminent collapse of their beloved team later this season. Poor bastards, they're dead in the water and they don't even know it.

And with a nice little "fuck you" directed towards the Eagles draft hopes, the G-men select another kid out of Texas, cornerback Aaron Ross. Now I'm really getting worried. The good news is that a lot of DEs are still available, and adding youth to an aging position wouldn't be entirely bad. On the other hand, the list of players in the secondary continues to shrink, and with teams like the Patriots and Chiefs still ahead, we need to start dodging some bullets.

Worse yet, Phil would have done the always hilarious "Phil Dance" (which he's actually never done) had the giants selected Brady Quinn. Seriously, how funny would it have been for NY to take a QB and serve Eli Manning notice that he won't be able to keep his job after this season just on his pedigree alone.

4:03 pm - At the 21st spot in the draft, the Jaguars (who traded down with the Broncos) just took Reggie Nelson (S, Florida), and now I'm going to jump off a ledge. So much for dodging bullets.

4:05 pm - We're officially at a bit of a low point. . . . that is, until I went back and checked out this video of an American ballplayer getting hit by a pitch in a Japanese league and the ensuing hilarity. I feel better already.

4:10 pm - I have to admit, having Keyshawn on the ESPN panel really hasn't turned out to be that bad of an idea. When you consider the shoes he is filling (the human crack-pipe, Michael Irvin), he really didn't have to do much. Don't try to speak every two seconds, don't try and talk over the other members of the panel, and don't limit your praise to wide receivers and TO; a pretty straight forward formula for success.

And you know what? So far, so good. Sure, Keyshawn hasn't exactly contributed much in the way of insider knowledge or impressive game-film analysis, but he's also not dragging down the coverage. Considering the company he's in (Mort, Young and Berman can easily handle the load and keep Mel Kiper and his raging draft boner in check), he's done what I hoped he might do which is he hasn't rocked the boat. Well done Keyshawn, I approve.

4:17 pm - Huge news. Cleveland, after passing on Brady Quinn at the three spot and opting instead to bolster their offensive line, now traded up (way up) from the second round to the spot held by Dallas to snag the still free-falling Quinn from the commissioners secret lair. They had to give up their second round and their first from next year (oof) to do it, but it's quite possible that this might be a great move. Cleveland now has a chance to not only have the best offensive tackle in the draft, but they also grab a QB who was thought to go in the top 3. A first rounder next year is pretty heavy, but if they finish the season in the 8-8 range then we'll have to show respect to the Browns front office.

On a sad note, Quinn came within two spots of tying Rogers for the biggest free-fall of a projected top pick in the first round in recent history. Damn. Well, it was a good ride while it lasted.

Time for a BBQ wings break, but I'll be back in time for the Eagles.

4:37 pm - After covering my face in BBQ sauce and spending five minutes cleaning myself up, I'm ready to finish up. While we were away, Kansas City decided to ignore their senior citizen offensive line and instead get some WR help to compliment a new QB and a solid running game by picking up Dwayne Bowe of LSU. At the very least, it gave ESPN an excuse to show clips of KC head coach Herm Edwards, maestro of the "Miracle of the Meadowlands" and one of my favorite people in football (you should remember him from his infamous "YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME" press conference). Up next is the Patriots at 24.

4:47 pm - I'm convinced that we're in the middle of a full-fledged anti-Eagles conspiracy. The Patriots just yanked yet another safety off the big board, this time Brandon Meriweather out of Miami. Another player with a troubled past (he took part in the Miami on-field fight against Florida International during last years college season), it seems that the Patriots feel they can keep this kid in line and overcome any character issues there may be.

4:56 pm - It's official, the Philadelphia Eagles are now on the clock. The Panthers pulled a "who dat?" and drafted Jon Beason, a LB out of Miami (and on cue, the people at radio city music hall hit up the Rocky soundtrack as the fans give an Eagles chant). At this point, the Eagles should probably take the best defensive player on their board: Alan Branch (DT, Michigan); Jamaal Anderson (DE, Arkansas); Paul Posluszny (LB, Penn State); and Chris Houston (CB, Arkansas).

4:58 pm - And right on cue, the Eagles trade away their pick to Dallas. Please excuse me while I stick my head in an oven and resuscitate Phil.

5:02 pm - We finally find out the details of the trade: Dallas gets our first after they traded out of theirs, Philadelphia gets Dallas' second, third and fifth. Considering the fact that all the players we really wanted (IE the safeties) were off the board, it seems the Eagles front office felt it was better to move down to the second round and grab a few more picks along the way. I'm going to give them a pass on this one because A) I trust the front office and B) I don't have to watch them waste a pick on a WR. If it was any other team though, it'd be a much easier pill to swallow.

At least this running diary hasn't been reduced to a complete waste of time (um, right).

5:06 pm - With the 26th pick in the 2007 NFL draft, the Philadelphia Eagl. . . . er, the Dallas Cowboys pick up the big boy from Purdue, DE Anthony Spencer. He would've looked better in green.

Great, so much for not being bitter.

. . . .

5:11 pm - I'm going to be honest here. That trade really took the wind out of my sails. Sorry, but I just don't have the heart to stick around here for the rest of the first round (I guess I'm no Bill Simmons, I apologize). I give. Uncle. I quit. My back hurts, I'm utterly disappointed, I haven't showered since yesterday and I've given myself carpal tunnel.

So what are we left with? Here's the summary:

5239 words
24 farts (including two triples, a double and 4 squeakers)
7 funny links
4 first round trades
2 big curveballs
a Virginia Tech tribute
2 new Madden '08 commercials
1 embarrassed Notre Dame QB
and zero Eagles draft picks

What a day. Hope you enjoyed the read (even if it takes you a couple of hours to finish it). Consider it my gift to everyone.

NFL Draft Running Diary 2007, Part I

For the sake of trying something different and keeping myself occupied for the next nine hours of the day, I've decided to treat you all to a running diary of the NFL draft. As sad as it is to say, I've been looking forward to today for quite some time, and have historically watched the first day of the draft for many years. What can I say, it's my guilty little dork pleasure. And this year, I'm not going to be alone as Phil and Sundje will be joining me in our over-the-top sports obsession. With any luck, now you too will be able to feel like you're sitting here right next to me; here for the laughs, here for the stories, here for the funny observations, and most importantly, here for us making fun of the Detroit Lions for drafting another wide receiver (let's keep the fingers crossed).

Here's a few things we'll be keeping our eyes open for:

1. Who will the Eagles draft at spot 26? For obvious reasons, this is the most important part of the day. On the off chance that keeping a running diary of the NFL draft turns out to be more of a chore than a joy, we'll at least be going up to this point in the day. All the common fans have been excited about all the offseason acquisitions, but the draft is what I look to for roster improvement. In my mind, the offense is fine the way it is (they were the second ranked offense last year, even after McNabb's knee threw in the towel), but the defense has plenty of holes to fill. The loss of Kearse last year hurt Jim Johnson's plans for a DE rotation, our linebackers were ineffective, and our secondary was shown to be too thin to pick up the slack for the length of a season.

Place your bets now, but I'm putting my money on the Eagles addressing one of three positions with their first pick: defensive end (too many old players), a cornerback (not enough talent behind Lito and Sheldon) or a safety (in preparation for the inevitable future without Brian Dawkins). If the draft another offensive lineman, I'll be surprised. If they draft a running back, I'll have to check my pulse. If the draft a wide receiver, I'm going to shit my pants. Let's hope for everyone's sake that I'm right.

2. Who will get stranded in the green room this year? You can count on it like the changing of the seasons. The NFL invites a certain number of players who are expected to go early to the draft so we can see their reactions when they get selected, and every year there's one guy who goes a lot later than people thought and we get to watch the hilarious faces he makes as teams keep overlooking him. Like a car wreck, you can't help but watch. The obvious pick this year is Brady Quinn, but I feel as though Adrian Peterson is the dark horse candidate this year (projected to go to Cleveland at #3).

3. How many times will Sundje pass gas? After some heavy discussion between Phil and myself, we've decided to set the over/under at 1850.5 farts for the length of the first round. I'm taking the over.

4. Will the Bengals actually learn their lesson and select someone who didn't go to the Penitentiary U? I mean, here's a team who seems to have a player get arrested once a week. And to be honest, I'm tired of hearing the recent rash of bullshit of how they didn't know some of these players had character issues. Give me a fucking break; we're talking about multi-million dollar organizations who dissect everything from game film to vertical jump measurements to cup size. For the last few years, talent and upside has trumped off-field issues. With the suspensions of Pac-man Jones and Chris Henry this off season and the jail sentence of Chicago DT Tank Johnson, maybe upper management will actually steer clear of these guys.

5. All the little things. Who is wearing a ridiculous suit. How big is Calvin Johnson's posse? Will Mel Kiper finally get into a fist fight with the GM of a team who drafted a player he feels is overrated? Will the Redskins realize that they actually have a first round draft pick and do everything in their powers to trade it away for an over hyped player in the decline of his career? Will the Viking remember to actually select a player on time? Will the Patriots make a trade, will the Broncos move up again, will the Bears select on defense again? Will this running diary even be interesting to read or will it be a giant waste of time? All questions that need to be answered. Let's get to it.

11:44 am - The pre-draft coverage has been going officially for 45 minutes, and unofficially for two months, and I'm ready to piss my pants. However, ESPN just threw us over to the Monday Night Football crew, which reminds me: will Ron Jaworski be an upgrade over Theismann? I know that Jaws can be unbearable at times on TV, that he loves the QB position more than his own children, and that he's an absolute homer when it comes to the Eagles, but Theismann was no spring chicken. At the least, he and Tony Kornheiser are actually friends off camera, so I'm hopeful that throwing together two guys who genuinely like each other in a booth will be a good thing for us all.

11:51 am - Roger Goodell kicks off his career as the new commish the right way: by honoring the family of Virginia Tech and paying respect to the students who lost their lives in that tragedy earlier this month. Whether it's high school, college or the NFL, we're all one big football family. In spite of the presence of the overrated Michael Vick on stage, I approve.

11:58 am - In an absolute 180 degree turn in mood, Sundje steps up to the plate with a lovely little internet nugget. The kid is unstoppable. If you don't want to get an idea of what it's like to live with Sundja, DO NOT CLICK ON THIS LINK. LOL, wow.

Noon - ESPN gets us excited for the NFL draft with another over-the-top, highly dramatic-till-it's-corny draft room production. We get it guys, these teams are under a lot of stress to make the right move for the franchise, but Christ. We don't need a mini-movie to get excited about football because anyone watching the draft right now is already a beer and brat away from a heart attack.

12:04 pm - In case you're wondering, here's our draft coverage lineup: the always spectacular Chris Berman; draft specialist Mel Kiper, who was thawed from his cryogenic freeze the minute the Super Bowl was over; the insightful and well-connected Chris Mortenson; Steve Young, who may or may not know he's covering the NFL draft; and to fulfill the "hey, we should have a colorful black current or ex-player to meet our quota" obligations, we have Keyshawn Johnson! I don't even need a joke for that, it's funny on it's own.

12:09 pm - Courtesy of the Swami: "The Raiders are on the clock with the first pick of the draft, and they earned it the hard way, the Raiders of the Loss Art." I love this guy. Everyone is saying the LSU QB JaMarcus Russell is the guy that Oakland needs, but considering that this is a team with the corpse of Al Davis at the helm, they could select Bobby Boucher and I wouldn't flinch. By the way, Steve Young just said the word "moxy" about 20 times in the span of 2 minutes. Get that man some decaf.

12:20 pm - It's official, the Raiders select Russell with the first pick. No real surprise here. I couldn't even name their quarterback from last year, so it was certainly a need of the team. The best part is that he looked like an inmate on death row when he walked up on stage. I know that you have to go to Oakland, and I feel bad about that, but you are the first overall pick in the NFL draft. . . . can we pretend to be excited? Regardless, Detroit is now on the clock and I'm giddy in anticipation.

12:25 pm - Phil as we watched the premier of the Vince Young-starring Madden '08 commercial: "Prepare to get injured next season Mr. Young." Sad but true. I underestimated that curse last year when I selected Shaun Alexander for my fantasy team. Never again.

12:30 pm - It seems that Matt Millen isn't wasting any time, and they select. . . drum roll please. . . A WIDE RECEIVER! Oh happy day. We're talking here about a team that has wasted 3 previous early first round picks on WR's, only one of whom worked out. We're also talking about a GM who is hated, and I mean hated, by the football fans of Detroit. Sure, Calvin Johnson is a player with prototypical size, speed and athleticism for the position, but come on. It's not as if the Lions don't have a laundry list of other more significant needs.

But no, good for you Matt. If Brady Quinn goes on to have a killer season, or if your defense ranks near the bottom of the league, you'll look like the biggest dope on the planet. Wait, Matt Millen is already the biggest dope on the planet. I guess he can't really do any worse.

12:38 pm - Will Suzy Kolber ever reach the point where she can do a serious sports interview without every person in America remembering her embarrassing encounter with Joe Namath and his drunken request for a kiss? For my sake, I hope not.

12:41 pm - To the sound of resounding boos by Cleveland fans, the Turds select OT Joe Thomas with the third overall selection instead of Brady Quinn or Adrian Peterson. Probably the safe pick and the right pick, but you can't deny what an insult it must be to be passed over for a lineman who'd rather be fishing with his dad than be present for the NFL draft (right now, the unofficial front runner for most legit dude move of the year; rather than dress up and sit in a room waiting to hear your name called, the guy goes on a fishing trip to spend time with his dad). Needless to say, Quinn looks like someone just punched him in the stomach.

12:45 pm - Sundje treats us to his first three-stage fart of the day. Like Old Faithful in Yellowstone, the kid is always good for one. I'm glad I took the over.

12:54 pm - Tampa Bay lost a coin flip to Cleveland for who would get the third overall pick, and they had hoped that Calvin Johnson would fall into their laps, so thus far things haven't gone the way of the Bucs. With not a whole lot of options, they select Gaines Adams, DE from Clemson. Odds are that they still might package him, another player and a later pick to the Lions for Johnson.

And in case you missed it, Brady Quinn (the popular pick) and Adrian Peterson (beastly RB and my pick for draft day snub) are still sitting in the green room.

12:58 pm- Another internet gem, this time from Phil. Once again, the lesson as always, is never. . . wait, there is no lesson here. There is no way that that little white guy should be able to take that elephant of a man. It seems that the video section of Ebaums world is making its return today, I'll have to check some of them out later. Judging by the laughter of Phil and Jason, there are some goodies.

1:03 pm - In an attempt to bolster the protection for Matt Leinert, the Cardinals select Levi Brown, the OT from Penn State. Another unsexy football pick, but again, the probably the right move. They drafted a quarterback last year and traded for the Edge to add a running threat, so defensive deficiencies aside, the other need was on the offensive line. The house consensus: solid move.

1:07 pm - Two hilarious things to mention. First, the Skins are on the clock with their only pick of the day (Berman noted that the Redskins have had fewest draft picks of any team since 2000, and no second, third or fourth this year) and I'm foaming at the mouth at the mere chance of them trading it away. Please trade away your future yet again Ed Snyder, I'll love you even more. Second, why were these guys playing on such a windy day? A player get hit in the face by flying debris and I bust up laughing. . . . I need help.

1:13 pm - Judging the the live feed celebration of LaRon Landry jumping up and down and grinning ear to ear, it seems that the Redskins might actually keep their pick and select the best safety in the draft. I'd be lying if I said that I'm not a little disappointed.

1:17 pm - It's official, Landry is the 6th selection in the 2007 NFL draft. It's also official, Charly Bun has joined us here in the war room. It's a full-fledged par-tay now. In fact, it's so exciting here that I'm more than certain that Sundje has fallen asleep (the guy was a cat in a past life, we're all convinced of this).

1:24 pm - Sour Cream and Onion Kettle Cooked Chips, for the win.

1:28 pm - Holy shitballs. The Vikings just selected Adrian Peterson with the 7th pick in spite of the fact that Chester Taylor had a tremendous year for them last year (do I smell possible mini-camp ego competition). The logic here is simple: Taylor is a quality back, but wore down as the year went on as he was the only work horse coming out of the backfield. Peterson (with a diamond crusted watch bigger than my head) gives them talented depth and an imposing one-two punch. If their defense stays strong and they improve their passing game from pathetic to only a farce, they might be the team to watch next year.

So much for my "Adrian Peterson getting the draft-day snub" theory. Brady Quinn, congratulations, your trophy is in the mail.

1:36 pm - "I'm going to need to change my boxers after this." Quick update: ten total farts and it's not even 2pm.

1:38 pm - Before I get to the pick, I want to say that I hate the Falcons, especially Michael Vick. Mostly, I just hate Michael Vick. He's overrated, can't run an offense, can't throw a football with touch, and risks setting the franchise back a year every time he tucks the ball and starts running all over the field. He's a menace that needs to be stopped. That's all I got for ya.

Anyway, Atlanta looks to improve on their meager pass rush from last season by drafting Jamaal Anderson, the defensive end from Arkansas. Right now, the ESPN crew is debating whether this guy has any upside left or if he was a college flash in the pan, but all I know is that this kid has the biggest mouth I've ever seen in my entire life. Shannon Sharpe and Tony Robbins are in love with this kid.

1:47 pm - Steve Young just equated drafting the right player for a team to picking the right singer on American Idol. Someone find out if his pupils are dilated and ask him what day it is.

1:51 pm - Right when the draft is going the way you think it might, right when the sea of fans has reached an absolute calm, and right when Kiper is beginning to think that he's got this draft-prediction thing down, Miami makes it a true NFL draft with a nice little "curve ball": Ted Ginn Jr., WR. A team that NEEDS a QB badly, along with many other positions, and they pass on Quinn at number 9 for a wide receiver??? I'm gonna need to lay down for a minute.

It's also entirely possible now that Quinn could drop down to the middle of the first round. If Houston doesn't select him next, his fall in the draft will be even more painful than Leinerts fall last year (and might contend with Aaron Rogers in 2005, who dropped all the way to Green Bay at 24). Keyshawn, Steve Young and Mel Kiper are two second away from exchanging blows.

2:04 pm - Sundje is very pleased as Goodell announces that the Texans have selected Amobi Okoye, a 6'2" 302 lb defensive tackle from Louisville. Not only that, he's the youngest player ever drafted by the NFL at 19 years of age, so it's possible that he's not done growing either. It should be noted that this is the same Texans team that drafted the monstrous Mario Williams last year with the first overall selection, and that pairing that DE with Okoye is a scary proposition for the other teams in the AFC south.

2:18 pm - Patrick Willis, considered the best all around LB from Ole Miss is now a member of the San Fransisco 49er's, and Steve Young is excited. Calm down mister Young, you don't play for the 49er's anymore. On the plus side, the two best corners in the draft are still on the big board, and the further that they fall, the more likely it is that a quality player in the secondary will fall to the Eagles.

***The new Madden '08 commercial featuring Reggie Bush is what we call turning a frown upside down***

2:27 pm - No surprise as the Bills make up for the loss of Willis McGahee by picking up the only other 1st-round worthy running back in the draft, Marshawn Lynch of California. I think I'll use my primary draft-day compliment here: "solid choice". Yeah, that works.

2:35 pm - ESPN Monday night crew start discussing the fall of Brady Quinn down the draft as they brilliantly cut to live footage of Joe Thomas on a boat in lake Michigan with his Dad and some friends, reeling in a big catch. In the background, we hear Tony and Mike Tirico speculate as to whether Brady will fall down farther than Aaron Rogers in 2005. The NFL draft. . . . it's FANNNNNN-tastic!

2:41 pm - Rams keep the Quinn pitty party going by selecting Adam Carriker, a defensive end, which might hurt their bid to become the next version of the old Colts (all offense, no defense). Now we get to hear Keyshawn Johnson talk about the needs of the Carolina Panthers. For the sake of entertainment, I hope that we get another curveball and watch Keyshawn squirm as him team grabs a WR. Keep the fingers crossed.

2:44 pm - The Jets fans are awake. A loud burst from the crowd was followed by a PA announcement of a trade which allowed NY to move up all the way from 25 to 14. Seriously, Jets fans are right up there with Giants and Eagles fans as "fans most likely to throw a keg at a professional football player." I love these guys. Hell, some already have changed from cheers to boos after hearing the details of the trade (Carolina's 1st and 6th for the Jets 1st, 2nd and 5th).

2:53 pm - Judging by the lack of blood and thrown beer bottles, the Jets fans seem happy about the selection of Darrelle revis, a CB from Pitt. It was widely known that the Jets were in need of help in the secondary, and when they traded up, this is what the fans were hoping for. Another crisis averted, and other lost opportunity in the name of humor.

2:59 pm - In an effort to replace Joey Porter and his trash talking, the Steelers take LB Lawrence Timmons.

But fuck our cross-state rivals. We've almost reached the midway point of the draft, my back hurts, my stomach is empty, and the funny videos and farting and tailed off considerably. Doing a running diary of an NFL draft is much harder than I thought it would be. One more pick to go and we're taking a break.

3:07 pm - Brady Quinn Sighting!!! Earlier, they whisked him away to save him from further embarrassment on the draft room floor. Like Hitler hiding in his bunker at the end of the war, Suzy Kolber has unearthed him in the commissioners private room. Sundje feels that Suzy should cheer him up. I won't bother to elaborate.

3:12 pm - Another curveball, this time thanks to the Green Bay Brett Favres. Looking to improve their defense, they go with DT Justin Harrell (a 300 lb boy), only this guy was projected to go at 32 to the Colts much later in the draft. Not as significant as the Miami pick, but still a bit strange.

OK, so we're half way through the first round, time to give my fingers a break. I'll be back to cover the rest of the round in twenty minutes after I change my diaper and order some wings. See you later.