Eggs Benedict on your Face

Dear Eagles fans who inexplicably rooted for the Giants in the Super Bowl,

Are you happy now?

Never before have I felt more betrayed as an Eagles fan as I did the last two weeks. The pricks from up the pike hoisted the Lombardi this weekend, culminating with a ticker-tape parade down Broadway to the cheers of thousands of blue bloods, and after desperately trying to come to grips with an utterly lost football season, all I have left is one question: are you fucking happy now?

Super Bowl XLII will be remembered as one of the biggest upsets in not only football history, but in all of sports, right up there with the 1980 US Hockey Team, the UNLV/Duke game, Joe Namath's prediction, and the 2004 ALCS. It was one of the most riveting football games I've ever seen, which is saying a lot when you consider the Eagles and Cowboys were not involved, and contrary to what I heard many people say, it was also one of the best Super Bowls of recent memory.

The best team in the league, riding an unbeaten streak, was going against the hottest team in the playoffs, and it was a bloodbath. Two teams slugged it out for three quarters, playing smash-mouth playoff football in a low scoring defensive struggle, all leading up to an amazing 4 lead changes in the fourth quarter with a historic finish.

When either team was down at the end of the game, their quarterback orchestrated scoring drives to put them ahead. But the Giants were the ones catching all the breaks and the Patriots were the ones missing them; and I'm not saying that to diminish what the Giants accomplished. Don't get me wrong, the Giants deserved to win this game and the Patriots deserved to lose it (even though I would argue that if they played this game out ten times, the Pats would win 8 of them). Yet you can't deny that while the Patriots dropped potential Eli Manning interceptions, failed to fall on fumbles, penalized themselves out of good field position, and made mistakes at the worst times, the Giants seemed to be capable of no wrong.

Now make no mistake, the Giants four man pass rush was possibly the best I've ever seen in my life in ANY game and was the biggest factor in the outcome. Every quarterback in the history of the league would have wilted under the pressure they were applying, and Tom Brady was no different. Eli engineering two touchdown drives in the fourth quarter was impressive, but hand the MVP award to that defensive line because they were the difference makers.

Which brings me back to all you traitors out there. How does it feel now? For the next year, every Giants fan you know won't be able to contain themselves in reminding us Eagles fans just how sweet it is and how pathetic we are. The talentless-but-tall Plaxico Burress, who KILLS the Eagles every year on that same fade to the corner of the endzone used to win XLII, has tears of joy streaming down his face as he holds the Lombardi trophy. When he's done, he'll hand it to Michael Strahan, the gap-toothed McNabb sacker who deflates us at least twice a year during a crucial third down sack that kills a Philadelphia drive.

Next year they'll be riding a wave of confidence. The world champion New York "Football" Giants chanting "18 and 1". Dealing with a 13 win Dallas team wasn't going to be tough enough, now we get to face the world champs in our own division.

And to top it all off, Eli Manning, the always inconsistent quarterback notorious for imploding, the quarterback who never looked confident, the quarterback you could count on to kill the Giants when the Eagles need him to, is gone. He's officially turned the corner; he's now a legitimate threat. He never wowed anyone with stats like his big bro, but for the most important five games in his young career he put the team on his shoulders and now he has a Super Bowl ring and MVP award to show for it. No longer a killer to his team, he's a killer to ours.

The real deal. . . .

Twice a year. . . .

And you cheered for it. You wanted it. For two weeks you talked about it, hoped for it, maybe even prayed for it. And why? Because one Super Bowl loss to a better team overrides decades of bitter rivalry? Because "that Bill Belichick seems like such a jerk" even though the Giants have Plaxico, Strahan AND Jeremy Shockey? Because you'd like to see someone else win for a change?

Well someone else did, and it wasn't us. The team we hate almost as much as the Cowboys just won it all.

And you willed it to happen. Congratulations. Now go home and get your fuckin' shinebox.

Sincerely, Me

P.S. I'm back fuckers